Why I Celebrate My Marriage Monthly

I have been with the man I now call by husband for over 7 years and we have been married for 4 months. Although we love each other dearly, we were terrible at celebrating the anniversary of when we became a couple officially. I admit, initially, I took it as a bad sign because what kind relationship has it where neither person remembers to celebrate their relationship at least on a yearly basis?

After the wedding, the high of my fresh matrimonial excitement had me on a roll of researching things regarding relationships. I stumbled upon an article in which a woman who had been married for decades shared that she and her husband celebrate their marriage on a monthly basis opposed to a yearly one. My original thought was, “well, won’t that get a bit excessive.” Then I paused, remembered our lack of celebration in the past, and thought again.

Perhaps all those previous anniversaries were overlooked because they were too spaced a part. The hustle and bustle of life preoccupied our brains and in the shuffle of all that can occur over the course of 365 days, it may be hard to remember to celebrate one in particular –Β  especially since we had been living together for years before we married. I shared the concept with him and he and I agreed we’d prefer our marriage to be something of a new start for us.We decided to take a page out of the article, figuratively, and hop on the monthly celebration plan.

So far, what we have found is that we mind each other more often. We find that we want to do more of the little things to recognize our special union. Since we were married on the 20th of the month, the end of the month feels more like a new beginning. We are more inclined to talk things out as to not spoil moments around that day which takes more effort to do within 30 days then 12 times that. Consistent effort is key for any good relationship, of course.

Now, I have wondered if “monthiversaries” would somehow diminish the annual marks. However, I imagine it does not. In fact, I think it might grants us an opportunity to do whatever we want on our actually anniversaries. Instead of the pressure to make on day a year great, be it out of obligation or otherwise, we are more frequently reminded that each month is special. And the more I think about that, it reminds me more of how each day is just a special. After all, ’til death do us part and life isn’t as long as most of us would expect it to be.

So, why wait?

Welcoming the Blood Moon Lunar Eclipse

Full moons are already an exciting time as energies are intensified and intentions set during the previous new moon might be coming into fruition. On July 27, 2018, we will experience an even more exciting time as it will also be the day of the longest total lunar eclipse of the century! It is predicted that as the Earth becomes positioned between the sun and moon, it will bend the light of the sun onto the moon which will give it a red-ish tent, hence the name “Blood Moon”.

As the people of ancient times recognized July as the month during which the male deer antlers would begin to show, its full moon has been dubbed the “Buck Moon.”

On a personal note, full moons are always exciting as, in my spiritual practice, it is a time of amplified energy. It is perfect for expressing gratitude and transmuting vibrations for my greater good. Typically, full moons gets flack for bringing out the worst in people but that is only true when people are unaware or unskilled in harnessing the abundant energy in the air. This moon is particularly special as it falls on my husband’s birthday! I won’t even get on how awesome it is that he is turning 29 which equals 11 in numerology, indicating a time of newness and leadership – towards which he admitted to already feeling more inclined …okay, so I guess I couldn’t help but mention it (lol).

I also find significance in the color red as it represents love and friendship. We have already made plans to make good use of this energy by him setting intention for this new life chapter, as well as spending time with each other and a friend with whom we have just reunited with. I think it is special how that has happened just in time. This moon is in Aquarius, giving us all the “save the world” vibes which is great, too. However, I’m considering the second Mercury retrograde this year is occurring simultaneously so I’m also exercising caution.

In addition to this, a magick bath is in order. July 2018 has been particularly trying for me on all levels. Between work and family, I was surrounded by drama. My depression reared its ugly head and I was struggling to stay spiritually attuned. Luckily for me, I was able to realize there was a reason for these obstacles so I sought to deal with my demons and overcome. I finally made it over the hump and could use a cleanse for going into a new month and energetic space.

I’m ready for the next phase.

Sister, Has Our Season Ended?

I have recently found myself thinking a lot about friendships; ones of the past, ones of the present. It’s interesting how life seems to almost throw people into our lives at some points only to ripped them away from us later. Of course, all things have seasons, some lasting longer than others and some more pleasant. However, this thought provoked the question: how do you know when the season has ended?

One of my mentors shared a story with me recently of how a spirit guide came to him in a dream and told him, “It is time for you leave this place.” In the dream, he found himself in saloon of a different time period and after further dialogue he learned that “you” was not just for him but for his significant other at the time who was also present in the dream. The other events of the dream helped him realize the “place” was the season of this romantic relationship and when he awoke, the events that followed proved the dream to be prophetic as both parties agreed that it was time to move on. Unfortunately, I have not yet reached a place in my journey where I recognize my spirit guides so much so that I notice them in my dreams to forewarn me about the end of a relationships. Instead, I am wrestling with how to handle the possible ending of one, essentially, on my own.

Over the last six months, I find myself conflicted with my thoughts and feelings regarding a friend who back-burner-ed me when a new man came into her life. Actually, it was a man who was in her life before and had proven himself unworthy for her on a number of occasions. In addition to this, she created a hostile work environment for a mutual friend of ours over a misunderstanding. This mutual friend has already been in the hospital several times due to excessive stress that has lead to heart and blood pressure complications of which our friend was well aware. She has since spoken to me a guilt-filled “hello” which  lead to a “we need to talk” from me.  It seems she is expecting that I reach out to her next, but I process this as an absurd request. Of course, I welcome any conversation to clear the air but I do feel the need to see a real effort made for it. For the most part, I am pretty forgiving but there are some fouls committed that make you wonder if a person was ever really a friend. If they were, has the season come to an end?

The spiritual side of me takes into account that we all make mistakes. We do and say terrible things that we cannot take back and we must eventually lie in the beds we make. However, while forgiveness is more for the individual doing the forgiving- which I have done – how obligated are we, as friends of perpetrators, to accept them back into our lives? And if we choose not to, are we less of a friend for no longer accepting them? In our case, I want nothing more than for her to see her wrongs, apologize for them and to grow from them. I doubt the trust of our friendship would ever return to the level of its peak but some form of restoration is desired and maybe we both could grow from that. Of course, the fizzle may fade as we wait on each other to make the next move, but in that case I suppose we would know for sure that our time is up.

Fathers’ Day Tarot Reading 2018

This entry is a couple of days behind the actual day we celebrate fathers in Western society but this reading is essentially timeless. It is and will remain relevant until we ascend beyond our limited ideas about men and fatherhood that have been shaped by painful experiences. We all make mistakes and many of us have had poor relationships with our fathers if any at all. As all reading are, this one is about healing and love.

Two-Card Spread: Chariot Reversed and Moon

The state of the father in our society is currently a uneasy one. Those who are struggling with the idea of patriarchy in their family and personal life are also lacking a sense of control and direction. Due to this spiritual disconnect, instead of a victory – which an upright Chariot would represent- there is aggression and/or stagnation where there could be joy and progression.

The Moon refers to the subconscious, the psychological imprints of our past that affect our present. Maybe a poor experience with the patriarchs in the family or slacking as a standup patriarch due to psychological barriers. Until those thoughts and feelings are unveiled and handled on a deep and spiritual level, the condition of the family will not heal properly. There will only be continued aggression and shallow connection.

Namaste and blessed be.

Peace vs. Depression

I have battled depression and anxiety for quite some time and for the most part each day gets better and better. There are those moments that creep upon one who have experienced mental and emotional struggles before; sometimes we can stop it in its tracks and other times it hits us before we know it. Depression, in particular, is a tricky sensation. Unlike anxiety which characterized by obvious feelings of heightened overwhelm, depression mimics natural physiological occurrences such as fatigue, hunger, and/or boredom. Everyone experiences it differently and there are various triggers from poor nutrition and hormonal shifts to traumatic or transitional life events. Then, there’s the sensation of peace which is just as complex to the untrained mind which probably speaks to most of us in the Western world.

Having experienced both, the onset can be quite similar. Like depression, peace may look different from person to person and may even be misunderstood by people around us. Recently, I was facing an emotion I thought was negative somehow, although I knew it was not sadness nor anger. It was not joy as I could also describe myself as feeling detached; oddly careless of what my responsibilities were in that moment but without animosity. It took a mentor of mine – who happens to be Buddhist – to explain it to me best as I grasped for answers from anyone who could help me. He told me it was peace and when I told him I assumed peace to be more joyous, he said:

“Peace is peace. As such it is neutral. Still. Quiet. Otherwise it is joy. It is a myth that we need to be having euphoria to be at peace. Joy is not emptiness. It is biased. We like it better because it feels better, but it should never be considered sunyata. Notice how having no emotion can leave us with the sense that something is wrong. This is mental bias as well – that the only valuable state of mind is euphoric or happy. All states of mind are equally valuable including pain, maybe, especially pain. We have a tendency to be mentally lazy and only want to eat ice cream in our minds every day, but that is not inherently healthy. The ability to be with what is with no responsive emotion and yet full awareness is the highest state of mind.”

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I admit, it was a difficult concept to accept when just before someone suggested it was depression. I agreed to that notion as it was the closest I perceived to being right at the time but the truth is, it didn’t fully sit with me either. Then, I thought about my mentor’s comment for a couple of more days and finally it started to resonate. Indeed it was peace! Worldly things had little value to me in that moment of the present. All I cared about was being and not even my husband could fully have my attention. That may sound wrong, but from a spiritual and even natural standpoint, there are some happenings inside of us that are simply impossible to share. We must have them on our own just as our loved ones will have theirs without us.

Now, I still emphasize the importance of monitoring our well-being. However, I realize that I should not always assume a fault in my psychology when I lack joy. Not every moments requires feelings that we perceive as positive, nor is it realistic. Going forward, I will keep in mind that the foundation to having consistent well-being is to just be from time to time. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Namaste.

 

 

Reality Marriage

Love is an important factor when deciding on a partner but, honestly, it does not conquer all. If that were true the statistics wouldn’t look so grim. According to the American Psychological Association, over half of first-time marriages in the U.S. will end in divorce. This bears the question: What’s going wrong here? It has been polled that the top reasons for these failures are 1. Getting in for the wrong reasons, 2. Lack of individual identity, and 3. Becoming lost in roles. However, we’ve known this for a while which bears the next questions: why do we keep getting married? And when we do, how do we keep screwing it up? My theory is that people are actually marrying an idea, not a person.

Over a month ago, I married the man I consider my best friend – corny, I know – but it has not always been easy. In fact, most days are not but every hardship is totally worth the growth that occurs afterwards. The thing about our relationship is that it was like so many that fail, entered into with a crap-ton of baggage and riddled with terrible communication. We cohabited for 4 years before we decided to get engaged and an additional year before we actually got hitched. Today, I never want to know a life without my husband but things weren’t always so smooth. We’ve done many things that nearly screwed our chances into a statistical demise yet somehow we not only survived but are thriving together. This may sound rather presumptuous given the odds against us. After all, couples who co-habitate before marriage are over 30% more likely to face divorce, my marriage is still pretty fresh, and we’re under 30. What makes me certain was not always so but eventually came to be. What is it you ask? The answer is complex yet simple: Realism.

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It is common that realism is regarded as synonymous with pessimism but I couldn’t disagree more. Realism is about likelihoods which has varying degrees dictated by  certain factors and what is realistic for one may not be so for another. Is it really possible to have a problem-free marriage over decades and remain in love? Perhaps but not likely. Can you really make a relationship work for the long haul under unfortunate circumstances? Absolutely! It’s quite obvious what the differences are when listening to the stories of more seasoned married couples. The successful ones are almost always rooted in realistic values and there are steps a couple must take to achieve this; a big one being the ability to move forward anew.

Realistically, no relationship has a future when stifled by the past. This means digging deep to ask and answer hard questions about our identity for ourselves and each other. We must learn to forgive offenders and let go of preconceived expectations of what the relationship is supposed to be. These perceptions are usually formulated by our need to control things as we wish to avoid pain we’ve experienced before or to live up to some false narrative. Although we may learn to draw healthy boundaries when we are honest about who we are what we want, we cannot expect anyone to fill out voids. We can only do that for ourselves. Otherwise, we will only notice their shortcomings and remain incomplete regardless of our relationships status. We must come to grips with our weaknesses and strive for improvement – notice I did not say perfection.

Truth is, life is messy, love is messy and problems are inevitable at one point or another. However, we greatly improve our chances when we know ourselves well enough to make choices in our truth. This allows us to enter into partnerships well-informed so that when hardships do occur, we realize them as opportunities for growth instead of resorting to shame, blame, and self-pity. And to be true with yourself and the ones you love, what’s more real than that?

New Moon, New Mind: May 2018

I decided to wait a few days before writing about this as I wanted to gather my own research data as to what people are experiencing. Sun and moon energy has a tendency to linger, having affects that can last days or more. In this case, we just recently experienced a pretty significant shift. The moon and Uranus are now in Taurus.

Moons in Taurus means a heightened focus on material needs and self-gratification. New moons already rise as a motivator towards new beginnings or the closing of chapters that no longer serve us. Particularly, with a new moon in Taurus, people may be experiencing a stronger draw to fleshly desires such as food cravings, sex and sensuality, financial stability and luxurious comforts. Don’t feel too guilty if you are feeling more selfish than usual, however, Uranus is governed by matters of the mind. So, while our focus on material matters is not necessarily a bad thing, there are few things to pay attention to.

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The Taurus zodiac is symbolized by the stubborn bull and since we have entered into a time of fresh starts, there are a couple of messages the cosmos are trying to reveal. If you are already over-indulging, you may feel something forcing you to take notice of this so that you may seek balance. However, if you are denying your Self something important, you may find that you are being forced to take better care.  I’ve noticed that a few people I know have been feeling unusually exhausted, myself included. These are also people I consider huge goers and doers. They tend use every inch of time to either be productive and/or take part in entertainment (in spite of the warnings from loved ones to relax). I’m willing to bet we are being guided to slow down and recharge which is important for holistic well-being.

Although this Uranus and Taurus cosmic combo may be trying to show us something about ourselves, the new moon give us an opportunity to set intentions for how we want to be and what we want to change. The exact day of a new moon’s emergence is best for setting these goals but there is still time before the following full moon.

Happy intention setting! Namaste.