Ascension

Oh, how it feels to realize that I am Source

after fear has finally run its course.

To know that the push is really letting go

and as it is above so it is below.

From love breeds compassion which is key

for I am You and You are Me.

Woes are illusions and growing pains

overcome by love and spiritual brains.

Recalling our truth is the path of light

living out loud in the dead of night

and death to be welcomed as childhood friend

as we walk into the Sun hand-in-hand. 

Lost In Translation, Found in Acceptance

My fiancé and I  speak different languages. Yes, we are both American-born and speak proper English (sometimes) but we do not always understand each other. For one, there that whole “men are from Mars and women are from Venus” thing. Also, it doesn’t help that he’s a Leo and I’m an Aries (I’m sure my fellow astrologers understand). This drove me up the [bleepin’] wall, especially at the beginning of our relationship. In fact, communication was so much of an issue that we faced parting ways several times because we felt like the other person just didn’t get it.

Thankfully, our relationship survived and it is better than it has ever been. Don’t get me wrong, we still disagree. Even now, we often debate on how to go about things and on important topics like whether or not Voldemort is no more a villain than Dumbledore is (crucial, right?). However, we have found happiness in our disagreements.

Much of our earlier frustrations stemmed from the need to control. Like many couples, we entered our relationship with baggage and was looking for the other person to fill in the gaps. This didn’t leave a lot of room for us to be ourselves with one another. I was always correcting him and he was always scoffing at me. We ended up spending too much time and energy trying to convince.

A turning point happened for us at our rock bottom when we actually learned something from being fed up with each other. It was exactly what we should have been doing in the first damn place: let the other person be. I finally got to a point where I don’t get angry every time he says something illogical. Instead of arguing, I nonchalantly tell him “You know that makes no sense, right?” and he usually replies with “Yea, I know, I just wanted to say something crazy” and we both giggle it off. I choose to see the humor in his nonsense. I’m mean what else can you do when you love a Leo man? (lol)

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He, on the other hand, started to take me more seriously. I was all for jokes but my Love has an annoying habit of ruining serious moments with inappropriate insertions of humor because they make him uncomfortable. He also loves to take the reins of leadership which is great if I’m not already in the midst of leading. In time, he learned how to let me run things my in my own fashion and how to let serious moments be just that.

In short, he started to listen more and I lightened up. Essentially, we are the same couple and we still speak different languages on most days but our acceptance of one another allows us to find common ground and understanding. Now, there is no one else I’d rather talk to.

Fear vs. Authenticity

I’ve always admired people who stood their ground; people who knew what they wanted, did not want, and how to voice it.

I was like that, sort of. However, the responses to my awkward nature quickly taught me how to be less vocal. In result, I became less sure. I wanted so desperately to be real, to find confidence in the ways I’d seen others be. I attempted to combat my uncertainty with outbursts or jumping into things. I thought I was facing fear but, as I matured, I realized I was still operating out of it.

I didn’t think others would listen or assumed they would misunderstand me so I feared speaking. I’ve been fearful of being judged for not behaving a certain way. Then, I feared  being judged for what I’d force myself to do. I began shutting down as I became a wreck wreaking of anxiety and depression which only exacerbated my social awkwardness.

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I started noticing myself in others; that fear of being true. I judged them for that because of my own shame. I eventually learned from the Map of the Scale of Consciousness that shame, guilt, hate and anxiety were are derivatives of fear. Then I realized a pattern.

Growing up, quite a few people I tried to model myself after were operating in the same fashion as I was, they were just more smooth about it. They were often proud of their fear or trying mask it with outbursts, jumping into things or shutting down. I was mistaken in taking this for bold authenticity. I found that authenticity is actually on the other side of fear. Upon this realization, I decided to make a change – which was by no means an easy one.

The earliest stages of becoming self-aware were painful. Retrospection was cringe-worthy and the way in which I evolved was not received well by everyone. In fact, on the road to fearlessness – a road I still travel – I find that I’m constantly challenged on my ability to stand alone. Standing up to this test is how I discovered and redefined authenticity for myself:

Loving myself enough to fearlessly be true in each moment.

Namaste.

Mother: An Ode to the Nature

She has always been here radiating the love she has been so often denied.

A force of light, a source of pride

Overcoming fear

Her womb overflows with the sea of immortality

Always giving more than she is given

Tainted by circumstance

Even her diminished self finds reason to praise and be praised

She is the essence of mid-day

Encompassing all each day has to offer

Lights and sounds

She is mother to us all

From the days we part ways to the ending in which we return to her.

 

Creating a Yoga Flow: Recap Thru Week Nine

I am approaching week nine of my personal yoga flow journey. It turns out keeping up with posting is just as much of a challenge as keeping up with a daily flow practice. I also accidentally skipped an important transitional pose in Part Three of this series. So let’s recap.

Part One

I began with downward dog, child’s pose, and frog pose. These asanas get the blood flowing and awaken joints. It’s preparatory for more complicated asanas.

Part Two

From frog pose, I roll back onto my feet and sink into garland pose or malasana. This a grounding pose and that not only opens the hips but, with hand clasped at the chest, opens the heart for the practice.

Part Three

Next, I place my hands on the floor and push myself onto my feet for a forward fold. Sometimes my feet are close together or hip distance. These details are always important as your practice should reflect what feels right for you. The should have been the focus of my week three post.

Part Four

Once on my feet, I bend my knees into my armpits – or as close as possible – tighten my abs and firmly plant my hands into the mat/floor with spread fingers before me and lift my curled body into crow pose or bakasana. This pose is a test of balance, concentration and upper body strength.

Part Five

Next, I lower one leg to the ground and flexing the other hip and extending the leg straight back. Whichever side my foot is landed, I plant my fingers into the floor and twist my body and extended leg the opposite direction while the other fingertips reaches toward the ceiling . This is half moon or ardha chandrasana. Like most balance asanas, it tests focus. It also increases hip strength.

Part Six

I then lower the extend leg and arm to the floor, extend the planted leg back into the air behind me and push myself back into three-legged downward dog or eka pada adho mukha svanasana.

Part Seven

The foot of the extended leg then falls to the floor behind the body and takes on the support as the other leg straights and the arm on the side of the supporting leg raises overhead. This pose is called wild thing or camatkarana. This also engages the side body and helps with upper body flexibility. It is also helpful in reminding the Self how to let go and open up.

Part Eight

Continue to let the body fall back and plant both hands and feet onto the flow in wheel pose. This pose requires some back flexibility and upper body strength. It also requires trust in yourself for without it, strength is beside the point. Remember to breath!

Eight Nine

Lift on leg straight into the air as far as you can. Do not force this movement. Go slow. With repetition, the thigh and low ab muscles will strengthen as will your confidence.

Remember that your practice is your own and this will more than likely not play out the exact same way each time. Go with your gut and find your flow.

Happy flowing! Namaste.

Brown Skin, Conscious Mind

I believe we are all a part of one collective consciousness; a Source spirit from which we all derive. Our human circumstances play out in a way that addresses something we need to learn and overcome to further ascend. Without a human experience, we do not know suffering and therefore cannot grow as spiritual beings. On my path towards ascension, I began to realize just how unimportant race is in the overall grand scheme.

We are essentially all the same. Not even in traditional church is there talk of a colored section in heaven nor hell. This revelation was quite liberating when I first came to it, then I began to struggle again with a lingering thought. As a person of color, how can I live in this truth while also standing in the truth of my human heritage?

Even in my awareness of race being only an illusion developed by human ego, it often pulls at me like a tether that will not allow me to reach the next step towards ascension. It is not so simple to push aside when faced with the everyday obstacles and debates around racial prejudice.  However, I also realize how it has strengthened me and connected to me a rich culture of beings that excel in perseverance. So what can one do with all of this?

As for me, I live each day at a time. I follow my heart and I learn what there is to know. I  act wisely and protect my energy from unnecessary and destructive banter as best I can. I meditate on my the Inner Most and remind myself that I am an amazing being. I just consider my blackness as a boss level in this life game that I am certain I will conquer.

No Greater

I never have too much to say until I reach you.

You allow my out-pour without demand or condition.

You soak in my past lives and my present. You are my gift.

You hear me with your soul, not your earthly perceptions.

My soul reached out and you embraced it without question.

You fueled me, you calmed me. You put me first.

You gave me a chance to be selfish without judgement.

I cringe at the memories in which I forgot you but you forgave me and let me find myself.

You forgave me and let me fly.

I’ve never known a greater love.