Let Your “Lawrences” Go

If you are an avid watcher of the HBO show “Insecure” like I am, you have probably heard about the “Bring Back Lawrence” Petition. As it turns out, fans really took to the character Lawrence, ex-boyfriend of the main character Issa Dee, played by actor Jay Ellis. He is a staple in the first two seasons but after hearing he would not be in the third, some of the audience decided to take action. And honestly, after very little thought, for me, it made perfect sense that Lawrence would not be present at this point in the story.

If you have not seen the show, beware of upcoming spoilers. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

The second season of Insecure was riddled with chaos as Issa and Lawrence attempted to  recover from a dysfunctional relationship that eventually lead to Issa’s infidelity in season one. After many mistakes on both parts, they eventually ended up facing each other and having the “grown-up” talk they should have had in the first place. The apologies were well-given and heartfelt, so much so that fans expressed their desperation for the couple to reconcile. However, while it seemed as though all that needed to be said was said and all was forgiven, they parted ways and Issa went on to begin a new chapter in her life.

It seems obvious to me that when friendship is no longer an option, this is the very best way for mature adults to move on, but apparently many others did not seem to have the same sentiment. This got me to thinking, “Is this why there are so many screwed up relationships these days?” My husband and I had a long and heated debated about holding on to things sparked by our disagreement on whether Lawrence should stay and it’s amazing how much deeper of an topic this turned out to be. I discuss it in more in the video below from my YouTube channel.

I can think of so many circumstances in which issues could have been resolved if only the people involved had the courage or the know-how to let go. To be fair, this sort of behavior is often encouraged in today’s techno-world in which it’s pretty easy to stalk profiles and and read into videos and text messages. Hell, “It’s Complicated” is a common enough theme among relationships for Facebook to even recognize it as an actual status option. But keep in mind, it is an option.

But what if we learned to truly move on and cut people off? This does not have to be negative although often times it is difficult. But, would it not be worth it to be free? Why continue to chance staying stuck on the same chapter when you can simply turn the page? Or in this case, enter a new “season”. You never know, you may just make room for for an unexpected return at a better time.

Why I Celebrate My Marriage Monthly

I have been with the man I now call by husband for over 7 years and we have been married for 4 months. Although we love each other dearly, we were terrible at celebrating the anniversary of when we became a couple officially. I admit, initially, I took it as a bad sign because what kind relationship has it where neither person remembers to celebrate their relationship at least on a yearly basis?

After the wedding, the high of my fresh matrimonial excitement had me on a roll of researching things regarding relationships. I stumbled upon an article in which a woman who had been married for decades shared that she and her husband celebrate their marriage on a monthly basis opposed to a yearly one. My original thought was, “well, won’t that get a bit excessive.” Then I paused, remembered our lack of celebration in the past, and thought again.

Perhaps all those previous anniversaries were overlooked because they were too spaced a part. The hustle and bustle of life preoccupied our brains and in the shuffle of all that can occur over the course of 365 days, it may be hard to remember to celebrate one in particular –  especially since we had been living together for years before we married. I shared the concept with him and he and I agreed we’d prefer our marriage to be something of a new start for us.We decided to take a page out of the article, figuratively, and hop on the monthly celebration plan.

So far, what we have found is that we mind each other more often. We find that we want to do more of the little things to recognize our special union. Since we were married on the 20th of the month, the end of the month feels more like a new beginning. We are more inclined to talk things out as to not spoil moments around that day which takes more effort to do within 30 days then 12 times that. Consistent effort is key for any good relationship, of course.

Now, I have wondered if “monthiversaries” would somehow diminish the annual marks. However, I imagine it does not. In fact, I think it might grants us an opportunity to do whatever we want on our actually anniversaries. Instead of the pressure to make on day a year great, be it out of obligation or otherwise, we are more frequently reminded that each month is special. And the more I think about that, it reminds me more of how each day is just a special. After all, ’til death do us part and life isn’t as long as most of us would expect it to be.

So, why wait?