I have recently found myself thinking a lot about friendships; ones of the past, ones of the present. It’s interesting how life seems to almost throw people into our lives at some points only to ripped them away from us later. Of course, all things have seasons, some lasting longer than others and some more pleasant. However, this thought provoked the question: how do you know when the season has ended?
One of my mentors shared a story with me recently of how a spirit guide came to him in a dream and told him, “It is time for you leave this place.” In the dream, he found himself in saloon of a different time period and after further dialogue he learned that “you” was not just for him but for his significant other at the time who was also present in the dream. The other events of the dream helped him realize the “place” was the season of this romantic relationship and when he awoke, the events that followed proved the dream to be prophetic as both parties agreed that it was time to move on. Unfortunately, I have not yet reached a place in my journey where I recognize my spirit guides so much so that I notice them in my dreams to forewarn me about the end of a relationships. Instead, I am wrestling with how to handle the possible ending of one, essentially, on my own.
Over the last six months, I find myself conflicted with my thoughts and feelings regarding a friend who back-burner-ed me when a new man came into her life. Actually, it was a man who was in her life before and had proven himself unworthy for her on a number of occasions. In addition to this, she created a hostile work environment for a mutual friend of ours over a misunderstanding. This mutual friend has already been in the hospital several times due to excessive stress that has lead to heart and blood pressure complications of which our friend was well aware. She has since spoken to me a guilt-filled “hello” which lead to a “we need to talk” from me. It seems she is expecting that I reach out to her next, but I process this as an absurd request. Of course, I welcome any conversation to clear the air but I do feel the need to see a real effort made for it. For the most part, I am pretty forgiving but there are some fouls committed that make you wonder if a person was ever really a friend. If they were, has the season come to an end?
The spiritual side of me takes into account that we all make mistakes. We do and say terrible things that we cannot take back and we must eventually lie in the beds we make. However, while forgiveness is more for the individual doing the forgiving- which I have done – how obligated are we, as friends of perpetrators, to accept them back into our lives? And if we choose not to, are we less of a friend for no longer accepting them? In our case, I want nothing more than for her to see her wrongs, apologize for them and to grow from them. I doubt the trust of our friendship would ever return to the level of its peak but some form of restoration is desired and maybe we both could grow from that. Of course, the fizzle may fade as we wait on each other to make the next move, but in that case I suppose we would know for sure that our time is up.