Emergence: Blue Moon in March 2018

Only three months in, this years has been astrologically eventful. In January, we experienced two full moons. On March 22 greeted us with the first Mercury retrograde of the year and closely following is the second blue moon of the year. This is an interesting sequence of events both scientifically and spiritually.

It is not very common to witness blue moons in such a short period of time, especially considering that the next is not due until Halloween 2020. I also find significance in the fact we had witnessed a total solar eclipse and a partial lunar eclipse just August of last year – amazing considering total solar eclipses as epic as the one 2017 tend to happen only once every hundred years or so. My, the sky has been busy!

From spiritual perspective, everything is connected and there is a lot of shifting and important matters coming to the forefront. Since the total solar eclipse, I have been experience a peeling back of shielding, so to speak. The defenses I’ve been so used to keeping for safety have been chipping away and like a caterpillar turned into a butterfly I feel I’m breaking out of my shell.

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As we entered Aries season, I found myself somehow measuring the comfort of the cocoon against the freedom of flight. When the retrograde reared its head, old traumas I thought I had worked through began to bubble up and to remind me of what I have yet to properly deal with; the things that make the cocoon attractive.

Now, as we approach the second full moon of the month which will be in Libra (the first being in Virgo), I feel myself moving out of reserve mode and shifting into business and love mode. I’m feeling more energetic and focused on what needs to be done in terms of health, ronance, and work. I sense this is a time to take what we should have learned from the retrograde and put it into action whilst keeping balance in mind.

For me, I know it means it’s time to start spreading my wings again, but this time going forth more beautiful and more free.

Awkward Aries: Tripping Over My Horns

Aries is represented by the headstrong ram who is fearless in her endeavors. Right or wrong, the ram makes a choice and runs with it. This trait makes us awesome leaders and some of the realest people you’ll ever know. I imagine the smooth and fully self-realized Aries is strong in their resolve. They say what they mean and mean what they say regardless of how it comes out. They bask in unconditional self-love and effortlessly cut the fat from their lives be it in the form or people, memories, materials and so forth.

As a child, I recall being less concerned about how I was received as long as I felt I was right. Sure, I was unrefined but I was bold about being me. Somewhere down life’s road, I became over-conditioned to accommodate. The conflict lied in my desire to contribute to the happiness of others’ while wanting a slice of happiness for myself. Being an oddball, the requirements of my joy were not always received well, so I learned to settle.

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The solution is quite obviously finding balance but fire signs tend to naturally lean towards extremes. Smothered by expectation, emotions ran wild – positive or negative -and this often left me wounded or looking foolish in one way or another. Exerting too much of my will led to escalated events blowing up in my face. Falling back turned me into a doormat. I was challenged with be always being perceived as either too abrasive or totally recluse. I’ve paid a huge price for growth.

Although I strive for excellence, I’m nowhere near perfection. I’m hardly ever the smoothest character in a room but I’m loving and honest. I have selfish tendencies but I’m loving and considerate. Achieving balance is an on-going challenge but authenticity is key. So is self-acceptance – even when I trip over my own horns.

Loving an Awkward Aries

Aries are known for being selective in partnership and when we love we go hard. This is both beneficial and problematic. On one hand, we dedicate ourselves to our chosen ones and put in great work towards success. On the other hand, we have a tendency to go overboard and become quite jealous. Being awkward only complicates this further.

I recall quite a few cases growing up in which I dedicated much energy and focus on a particular person my heart became set on even though my love was unrequited. Deep within myself, I knew I could be the perfect romantic partner to whoever would choose me and I was not always smooth about getting that point across. Aries are also very bold and upfront and on good days that meant no shame about my unusual nature. Indeed, I made plenty of friends who were drawn to my quirkiness and devotion but committed romance was a little harder to come by.

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Aries can also be known for appearing very selfish. I actually resent this stereotype mostly because I do not believe my demand for excellence is a negative, especially when I demand it from myself. It can be quite frustrating being in love or even friends with someone who will not meet you half way, especially since we are also notorious for getting turned off pretty quickly. I certainly consider myself a giver in most circumstances but it can only be one-sided before we start moving on to the next (or just back to ourselves).

If you love an Aries, please understand that our alone time is necessary for our well-being and not always has to do with how we feel about who we are with. Being heard and understood is important to us and if we feel that is lacking we are quick to become hermits or total assholes. There were times I didn’t think my fiance and I would make it for as much as we’d fall out about this but our growth took effort on both ends. I had to ease up on my love for being secluded and he had to listen more. Don’t feel bad if you and your Aries are still working this out, this work is never done (lol).

Lastly, any lover of a mature Aries – yes, even an awkward one – will need thick skin. We require a great deal of patience from our lovers. Although often not our intention, we may say things that can hurt feelings when we’re only acting out of honesty. I cannot count how many times my mouth has gotten me into trouble when I was only speaking my mind (we really don’t mean any harm). Just remember our actions are as loud as our words and whatever our intentions are, a mature Aries will not leave you guessing.

If you find a good one, I promise no one will love and challenge you more.

Awkward Aries

Typically, Aries are considered dominant personalities. They know how to get things going. They’re often considered fearless and even selfish. The women in particular are very sure of what they want and know how to ask for it if not demand it. They are sexually secure and overall adventurous. I, as an Aries woman, am all of that and none of that at the same damn time.

I’m also guilty of declaring desires and frustrations without pause, only to say “I mean, I guess” in the very next moments. I trip over flat surfaces. I’ve stuttered even while talking to myself. I sometimes accidentally laugh during sad moments and am the last to catch a joke. I also struggle with being sexy and serious simultaneously. Essentially, I am the main character of the HBO show Insecure (to an extent).

I’m pretty positive that I’m not the only conundrum out there in the Aries community; hence the creation of this series. Also, this is not necessarily limited for the enjoyment of my fellow Aries folk but for anyone who has ever felt like the walking poster child for a “WTF” meme. May all awkward peoples unite!

Namaste.

Ascension

Oh, how it feels to realize that I am Source

after fear has finally run its course.

To know that the push is really letting go

and as it is above so it is below.

From love breeds compassion which is key

for I am You and You are Me.

Woes are illusions and growing pains

overcome by love and spiritual brains.

Recalling our truth is the path of light

living out loud in the dead of night

and death to be welcomed as childhood friend

as we walk into the Sun hand-in-hand. 

Lost In Translation, Found in Acceptance

My fiancé and I  speak different languages. Yes, we are both American-born and speak proper English (sometimes) but we do not always understand each other. For one, there that whole “men are from Mars and women are from Venus” thing. Also, it doesn’t help that he’s a Leo and I’m an Aries (I’m sure my fellow astrologers understand). This drove me up the [bleepin’] wall, especially at the beginning of our relationship. In fact, communication was so much of an issue that we faced parting ways several times because we felt like the other person just didn’t get it.

Thankfully, our relationship survived and it is better than it has ever been. Don’t get me wrong, we still disagree. Even now, we often debate on how to go about things and on important topics like whether or not Voldemort is no more a villain than Dumbledore is (crucial, right?). However, we have found happiness in our disagreements.

Much of our earlier frustrations stemmed from the need to control. Like many couples, we entered our relationship with baggage and was looking for the other person to fill in the gaps. This didn’t leave a lot of room for us to be ourselves with one another. I was always correcting him and he was always scoffing at me. We ended up spending too much time and energy trying to convince.

A turning point happened for us at our rock bottom when we actually learned something from being fed up with each other. It was exactly what we should have been doing in the first damn place: let the other person be. I finally got to a point where I don’t get angry every time he says something illogical. Instead of arguing, I nonchalantly tell him “You know that makes no sense, right?” and he usually replies with “Yea, I know, I just wanted to say something crazy” and we both giggle it off. I choose to see the humor in his nonsense. I’m mean what else can you do when you love a Leo man? (lol)

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He, on the other hand, started to take me more seriously. I was all for jokes but my Love has an annoying habit of ruining serious moments with inappropriate insertions of humor because they make him uncomfortable. He also loves to take the reins of leadership which is great if I’m not already in the midst of leading. In time, he learned how to let me run things my in my own fashion and how to let serious moments be just that.

In short, he started to listen more and I lightened up. Essentially, we are the same couple and we still speak different languages on most days but our acceptance of one another allows us to find common ground and understanding. Now, there is no one else I’d rather talk to.

Fear vs. Authenticity

I’ve always admired people who stood their ground; people who knew what they wanted, did not want, and how to voice it.

I was like that, sort of. However, the responses to my awkward nature quickly taught me how to be less vocal. In result, I became less sure. I wanted so desperately to be real, to find confidence in the ways I’d seen others be. I attempted to combat my uncertainty with outbursts or jumping into things. I thought I was facing fear but, as I matured, I realized I was still operating out of it.

I didn’t think others would listen or assumed they would misunderstand me so I feared speaking. I’ve been fearful of being judged for not behaving a certain way. Then, I feared  being judged for what I’d force myself to do. I began shutting down as I became a wreck wreaking of anxiety and depression which only exacerbated my social awkwardness.

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I started noticing myself in others; that fear of being true. I judged them for that because of my own shame. I eventually learned from the Map of the Scale of Consciousness that shame, guilt, hate and anxiety were are derivatives of fear. Then I realized a pattern.

Growing up, quite a few people I tried to model myself after were operating in the same fashion as I was, they were just more smooth about it. They were often proud of their fear or trying mask it with outbursts, jumping into things or shutting down. I was mistaken in taking this for bold authenticity. I found that authenticity is actually on the other side of fear. Upon this realization, I decided to make a change – which was by no means an easy one.

The earliest stages of becoming self-aware were painful. Retrospection was cringe-worthy and the way in which I evolved was not received well by everyone. In fact, on the road to fearlessness – a road I still travel – I find that I’m constantly challenged on my ability to stand alone. Standing up to this test is how I discovered and redefined authenticity for myself:

Loving myself enough to fearlessly be true in each moment.

Namaste.