It seems, today, that everyone is trying to find their happiness in something. We strive towards the lives we think we want through our careers, relationships, and even health. Somewhere in the midst of all the grinding, we realize that with each promotion, new lover or pound lost, after the initial elation has faded, there is still something missing. Why is it such a struggle to find long-lasting satisfaction? The answer for me was to simply stop looking outside of myself.
I grew up in a happy home for the most part …or so I thought. As I got older, truths were revealed to me that had not been so during my childhood. Consequently, I became more aware of myself and realized that things were not as peachy as I had originally perceived. While I cherish the beautiful moments of my life, in retrospect I was, in fact, not really happy. In reality, I was riddled with anxiety and depression. I often felt unheard and did not have a handle on my emotions. I was physically unhealthy; overweight and lethargic. Regardless of being blessed enough to vacation regularly and receive lovely gifts on holidays unlike many other children, true happiness was not something I understood until much later.
I’ve had quite a few experiences that chipped away at my self-esteem. So much so, after a while, I further perpetuated the idea that I did not have much worth. Once I began to turn my life around, it was like I had developed a new set of eyes for how I saw myself in the past and present. It turned out that my lack of respect for myself opened the door for others to treat me with disrespect. I would complain and take out my frustrations on others (usually by accident) and myself, in unhealthy ways which only made matters worse. Paradoxically, I was self-conscious but not very self-aware. Thankfully, I’ve made some significant improvement with this. It is a on-going process.
It was not until the end of 2016, age 27, that I really started on the path to genuine fulfillment. I gained more life experience and knowledge about the world and myself. I was tired of the mundane lifestyle of doing what I thought others wanted of me. Instead, I decided to take a different route and live life my way. I turned to a more holistic and natural lifestyle. I distanced myself from toxic people and worked consistently on making myself less toxic. I started on a career path that brings me joy and purpose without the need of approval. Most importantly, I learned to love and appreciate myself more deeply which trickled onto my interactions with others.
I find it important to share this as it is the fuel behind my writing and all of my work. I almost did not begin this blog because I do not consider myself an expert writer or life liver; however, I realized that wasn’t the point. My passion in life has always been to bring joy and healing to the world in some form or fashion, so I decided to join the ranks of sharers – experts and novices alike – who have unknowingly poured into my life so much and helped me along my journey. I’ve come across many people over time from varying backgrounds and one thing is constant – each of us has a story. That story is usually filled with pain and a quest to find happiness. So, as you find bits of my story throughout my blog, I hope that it helps you find the answers you need and inspires you to pass the torch. Namaste.